she's just saying...

You know who you are...

To all my blog readers and FaceBook friends:

Thank you so much for the birthday wishes, encouragement and random comments you've sent my way. If I don't personally acknowledge them, please know that I appreciate each morsel and think of you when I read yours. In the ferris wheel of my life, commenting on comments is one task that I have to eschew, along with taking back cans for a nickel, brushing my pets and cataloging my knitting needles. 

So this will have to stand for my personal thank you and tip o' the ol' blogging cap to regulars, occasionals and even the lurkers out there in web world.

[Unless you're Kathi D., a blogger I've never met or spoken to who somehow got her own category for heaven's sake.]

manual red-eye correction

Big Steve Weighs In

I love guest bloggers! Here's a post from MyBigBro:

My current situation, illustrated:

My fantasy career:

My goal:

My past:

Where I am now:

 

Next step:

And finally:

My dream date:

Meme alert: "Two Truths & A Lie"

Remember all those fun games we used to play here? The very-popular "Six words to describe your life;" "Things I've done that you haven't;" and my favorite, the wacky nickname game.

It's time for another, and I expect everyone to participate. This one is called 2 Truths & 1 Lie. The concept: write one or more 3-line sets of statements about yourself, two of which are true and one of which is a total fabrication. Wait a couple days for votes, then reveal all, either in the comments or on your blog. (By the way, in case you were worrying about my blog not getting enough comments, many people comment on Facebook instead. I know you were concerned and I appreciate that.)

So I'll go first. You vote, and add your own. Or not: this is all about me, after all.

PS: Family members can't vote. Inside knowledge.

Group A:

1. I have attended the Academy Awards.
2. I worked as a cocktail waitress in Alaska.
3. I was a Girl Scout in high school.

Group B:

1. My only food allergy is fish eggs.
2. I love pickled okra.
3. My favorite drink in college was sloe gin and Diet Dr. Pepper.

Group C:

1. I've taken piano, oboe and mandolin lessons.
   
2. I am certified to teach aerobics, scuba diving and CPR.
   
3. I speak French, Spanish and Italian.
   

Go for it.

This is just wrong. In so many ways.

Found on a cracked-out crafter's blog:

Christmas Countdown

"Cross my heart, hope to die,"

"stick a needle in my eye..." oh, wait, my eye doc just did that.

In what may be a first in blogging history, I'm writing this sitting in the doctor's chair during breaks while he places sutures in the conjunctiva covering my eyeball.

You all know I love my eye doctor. I obviously have to, since I'm letting him do this, the first time he's attempted it in an office setting, without even any intravenous sedation.

I wasn't expecting this this morning, but this unresolved complication has been keeping him up at night and I really want to put his mind at rest.

Oops, here he comes with the needle again.

More later.

----

Home again. Couple of Vicoden, glass of wine and I'm good as new.

So, Jason admitted that though he's never done this procedure before at his office (without the operating room microscope), he called his buddy who's done it a lot who told him it was no big deal. There may be times when complete disclosure is not always appropriate in a medical setting and this may have been one of them but I was game so we gave it a shot. I channeled my best Buddhist meditative state, stared into the light and put my eye in his hands.

He told me he didn't think he wanted to read my blog tonight but he has nothing to worry about. I'll take his honesty and caring over standard physician arrogance any day. Plus, as I told him, he messes up and his name is mud in our alumni newsletter.

In which I do nothing, then take a break

I think I'm getting the hang of doing nothing. Really, it's not so bad. And I'm not even on drugs.

What I have been doing:

• Eating
• Wandering around the house poking things with my toe that I can't pick up
• Watching the Red Sox via computer
• Teaching Robin to knit
• Wiping the counters -- I really like clean counters
• Making stuff to eat
• Un-hibernating the tweedy sweater. I had to relearn the pattern, remember where I made the mistake so I could re-create it on the next section, and dive in again. Very gratifying.
• Trying to remember which eye drop I just used
• Doing the daily Sudoku
• Presented a PowerPoint research analysis to the Museum Board from my bed
• Snacking
• Pointing at things for Henry to pick up
• Wandering around the back deck
• Looking for stuff to eat in the fridge

Don't you envy me, just a little bit?

Bend's Deep Throat

To quote my deer friend, Tina: "You know you live in a small town when a deer dies in your backyard and someone from the paper calls you to talk about it."

Bend likes to think it's a city, and maybe it is, except I don't think you can be a city without having an escalator. Anyway, the bigger this town gets, the smaller it can feel. That's from living here 15 years: over half this town moved here in the last ten years. That makes for an interesting old/nouveau dichotomy. I'm now part of the old guard. Not the OLD old guard, but the middle old guard. But really, this post is about the deer story and the reporter for the local paper.

Don't get me started on the local paper. Please. I work with them, I have a subscription, it's our only choice for daily newsprint. So just don't get me started. Like most small-town (excuse me, small city) papers, they're big on happy news and local court cases, with a Western angle that includes articles on "berserk llama syndrome" and rodeo coverage.

But I do have to say that it's a little weird that they're cruising my blog for news stories.

To the sweet reporter who called me to get the lead on the deceased deer disposal story, I absolutely appreciate your readership. I'm serious. I'll try to make it worth your while by posting reportable tidbits. I came through on the noxious weed story, didn't I? Even provided a pithy quote that was duly published. (I've also provided quite a few "mother of a black child" comments for various stories over the years, but that's another post.)

I just have a little advice: don't touch the chicken-sweater story. You don't need the constant hassle from British battery-hen jumper knitters. Believe me on this one.

what's it going to take

Hmmm. Y'all are very sparse on comments lately. (Except for the ever-faithful Kathi D. We bloggers have to stick together, ya'know.) What's up? Bored? Disenfranchised? Suddenly shy?

Maybe I need some more stimulating posts. How about a dead tortoise on an ant hill? That's the ticket!

What, you say you need grosser photos? Well, here you go:  

PS: to all of you lovely cooks who landed here looking for zucchini risotto recipes, I apologize. Quite a shock, I can imagine. Just avert your eyes and scroll down five or six posts. It's worth it, really.

Of Mice and Monkeys

Now this is impressive:
 

Remember that little blogoversary contest I ran? Probably not. Well, I was very cleverly guilted in my last post into actually delivering the prize to the local winner, Chris K., a blog buddy. (I'd call him a bluddy, but that's not so cool, actually. That's his photo montage above, and I even stole his post title.)

For his patience, I tucked in a little surprise with the catnip mouse he won.

Its use temporarily stumped him, but he quickly figured out what it must be...

...a monkey poncho.

So now it appears that in addition to the whippet sweater and the poultrywear, I'm into simian wraps.

And you have another must-read blog to visit!

Top 10 Tues: social networking rant edition

So while I'm on the subject:

Social networking trends I don't much like:

1. Personal blogs that carry ads between posts.*
2. Calling your social networking followers your "tweeple." (OK, I liked it for about 3 days.)
3. Self-congratulatory Facebook updates.
4. Mom blogs that are actually about pushing product.
5. Flickr's latest homepage layout, especially as a paying member.
6. Facebook apps that are covers for crappy ads.
7. LinkedIn self-inflation self-importance.
8. Widgets that won't work.
9. Bit.lys, TinyURLs, is.gds, blip.fms, etc.
10. A list like this at the end of every post:

Addthis Ask Blinklist del.icio.us Digg Fark Facebook Google LycosMa.gnolia Mr Wong Netscape Netvousz Newsvine Reddit StumbleUponSlashdot Tailrank Technorati Wink Yahoo

*I defend your right to include whatever you want on your blog. I just don't like ads in the middle.

In which I direct you to a much funnier blog

Stop what you're doing (which would be reading my blog) and run, hop or flutter over to this post from my reciprocal blog pal Kathi D.

Most. Hilarious. Post. Ever. Involving chickens, sex, aprons, camo, Madonna and dogs.

(Given those words above in one post, my blog traffic could get really interesting.)

Here's a hint:

Go enjoy. You will eventually come back here, right?

Be jealous. Be very jealous.

Presenting the winning prizes for my blogoversary contest.

For Monkey: Bob is testing out the catnip mouse here and deems it acceptable.

Here's KG's Koffee Kup Kozy:

Maybe I should quit my day job and sell knitted tchatchkes. You may place your orders...

repeat, rerun, recycle

I'm realizing that many of the posts I wrote last year can just be re-pasted as new entries.

Does that mean I'm in rhythm with the cycle of the seasons in my life, or that my life is really boring?

Whatever, it makes for easy blogging for lazy bloggers. And since most of you didn't read this blog back then, it's all new to you!

From last April:

Ah, Spring in Central Oregon!

Every C.O. blog is probably posting a similar thought today.

the very latest in poultrywear

With fear and trepidation, I bring you a knitted chicken garment pattern. (Not a knitted chicken, but a knitted pattern for a chicken).

(For my newer readers, some back story: this blog catapulted in hits through search results after I re-published a BBC article about a woman who knit capes for rescued chickens. Much of my traffic comes from all those chicken-loving knitters out there, most of whom appear to live in England.)

I've never actually knitted fowlwear myself, nor am I a poultry farmer, unlike my blog friend Kathi D. (Gratuitous Kathi D plug here.)

However, since I seem to be a clearinghouse for the info, here's a free pattern. This knitter makes shawls for young chicks, and as she says, "the front two corners are tacked together, because chickens can’t use shawl pins."

Pretty cute, actually:

Now I just sit back and watch my traffic stats climb again.

Friday cop out

You can tell that a blogger is scraping the bottom of the content barrel when you see posts like this.

 

You're supposed to fill in the blanks:

1. Apparently there's some sort of _____.
2. _____ sunny day.
3. 2009 _____ so far.
4. _____ that was it.
5. For too long I've been _____.
6. I am not obsessed with _____; I am not!
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to _____, tomorrow my plans include _____ and Sunday, I want to _____!

So here are mine:

1. season called "spring" though you wouldn't know it from Bend
2. However, it's a gloriously
3. has been pretty good, actually,
4. When he moved, I thought
5. short
6. knitted chicken sweaters
7. chardonnay, the Red Sox/Yankees game, lose five pounds

outed to 450 plus

Whoops. Met nancydbrown here at conference, and exchanged blog info. She then introduced me (and my blog) to the entire breakfast event. So go check her blog out & say hi for me.

You may already be a wiener.

(Speaking of jokes, this was once my brother's favorite cartoon: a large hot dog standing by his mailbox reading a piece of mail that said the title of this post.)

And speaking of jokes, didn't anyone like my rabbit joke? Or maybe it was too SUBTLE for you... you didn't get it but were too embarrassed to say so. That's alright - I understand.

Moving on and backwards at the same time, here are the official Blogoversary small knitted object winners:

(drum roll)

1. MONKEY and
2. KG

OK, men: what will you have? Catnip mouse, warshrag or latte snuggly? 

Pimp my blog

So, I've been running this blog for a year as of today. Here are some stats:

Average visits a day: 75

Visits in the last month: 1867

Percent of visitors who are actually looking for rescued poultry hand-knit outerwear information: (guesstimate): 15%

Category with the most posts: knitting, followed closely by blogging and personal. It's all about me, folks.

Number of posts in the last year: 380 Sheesh. If you can't get quality, make up for it in quantity, that's my motto!

Posts that drew the most visits: An adoption memory

Number of comments in the last year: 833 (you guys rock!)

Post that drew the most comments (not including my own): six-word memoirs

I was going to run some link-back post-about-me contest for my blogoversary, 'cause that's the shameless self-promotional blogger thing to do, but it's too much work.

So instead, send me a comment, I'll pick two names out of a hat, and you'll receive your choice of my go-to knitted gifts: a catnip mouse, a coffee cup cozy, or a cotton warshrag, as Kathi D puts it.

You have til Saturday, but your chances are pretty darn good, as only about ten of you comment (sniff).

Top 10 Tuesday: blogging edition

Given that tomorrow is my one-year blogoversary, I thought I'd share my thoughts on Why I Blog.

1. I started in order to learn about the mechanics of blogs to add to my marketing skills. Then it turned out to be fun.
2. There's an never-ending demand for information about badgers, kittens and chicken garments out there.
3. It's a on-going way to stay in touch with friends and family I never see IRL ("in real life" - interesting there's an acronym for this.) I love receiving your comments and observations back.
4. I'm narcissistic. I never actually thought I was, but isn't keeping a blog the definitive empirical evidence?
5. It's a creative exercise of words and photos that continues to challenge and reward. And because I have an audience waiting, it motivates me to exercise that creativity frequently.
6. Blogging has given me a new lens through which to explore my life, and
7. I clearly have a fascinating life that it's my duty to share with the world.
8. I have a lot of time on my hands. It's either blog or do laundry.
9. I love the friends I've made through it. There's a warm and supportive community of other bloggers out there. It's surprising given the level of invective on the web, but true. Check out their blogs listed over there to the right.
10. I couldn't come up with an answer when Kristin asked why I didn't.

Your wish is my command

OK, I'm a blogging slacker. Or a slack-blogger. I have run out of original thoughts, cute badger photos, fowl-wear information, and knitting news. And the Neighbor X  situation is a little complicated right now.

So, I'm taking a survey. This is not quantitatively valid research as it's a self-selected sample with no demographic weighting or statistical significance tests. (I do love market research.)

Q: What do you want Melissa to write about next?

Choose up to three of the following choices, or write in your own suggestion in comments.

1. Chicken knitting
2. The Wii-Fit flop
3. Dance Dance Revolution
4. The on-going saga of me and Neighbor X
5. Badgers
6. Kittens and puppies and babies
7. Household budget tips
8. Random blog memes
9. Blogging about blogging
10. My lemon tart recipe (involves 7 eggs and 1.5 cups of butter)
11. Henry's breakfast favorites, starting with Pad Thai
12. How not to build a water feature in your backyard

Or anything else. I'm open to suggestion (way too open, historically).